I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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