Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
