Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
