I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
