Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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