my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
