Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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