I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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