the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
