The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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