Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
