So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
