Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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