If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
