the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
we're making bets on your personal life
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
