He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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