so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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