when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
