Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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