even my farts smell like vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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