You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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