SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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