I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
