Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
