I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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