I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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