I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so let's talk penis.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
