I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
