you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
