There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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