Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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