Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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