he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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