Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
