she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
