If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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