Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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