I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
