I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
