I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
