I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
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i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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