So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i will never coherently bang her
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize