Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
