Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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