But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
