i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
