he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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