Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
