Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
