I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
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I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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