The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All the doctor said was why
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything