Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.