News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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