he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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