I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
