sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
