my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
These tits shall not be calmed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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