He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I could make wine with my vomit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
