note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
