You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
