I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think my vagina is haunted
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
