hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
