I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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